Although I like to think of myself as serious minded and realistic, I cannot ignore the fact that media affects me and what I believed about marriage. I know I definitely fit into the category of “newly wed” but there are some media-induced myths about being married that I’d like to dispel.
1. You can still feel lonely
Although your spouse does “complete you” they are not your “everything”. Luke is not my co-worker, student, girl-friend, parents, or God. As we are still adjusting to a new area most weeks he is the only person I have a conversation with that does not end in “thank you and have a nice day!” So yes, sometimes it can get lonely. Sometimes I wish our conversations would go deeper than talking about taxes or planning out our meals (and sometimes they do). But I would be abusing his role in my life to treat him like and expect him to be everyone and everything to me.
Can you imagine the pressure I would be putting him under to fulfill more roles than he was meant to? (I’m pretty sure he did not vow to that). He is my husband and that is very important to me, but opposite to what the media portrays, his role in life is not to succumb to my every whim. Although I am less lonely than I was before he was apart of my life, he is not “all I will ever need in the world”.
2. Your personal problems and insecurities don’t go away.
In fact they are highlighted by how you interact with and treat your spouse. It amazes me that in the most unexpected moments the lies I believe about myself (you know the ones in your head “I am . . . ” “I have too little/too much” . . . “I will never be” etc.) get in the way of clear communication. I can easily misinterpret an attempt at encouragement to be an expectation on how I need to live my life! It is true, we make each other better people-but it is exactly that make, it doesn’t happen automatically or easily, it is what we choose to do.
Because in reality your spouse is a mirror/window into your self. And Yes! sometimes that can be scary. Honestly: if you don’t like facing your problems and insecurities-don’t get married! The positive thing is that you have someone who thoroughly knows you and has committed to love you who will help you work through those issues.
Well there is more I’m sure where this comes from.
But now it is your turn:
Those that are married-you find this to be true for yourself?
Any stories about relationships you are willing to share?
Any advice for the newly-wed on other myths that need to be busted?