I feel like I am on a fence; tenuously caught in the pull of the now and not yet.

On one side I am anxiously looking forward to our new baby and ready to move on with all that entails. On the other side I feel the need to be present and soak up this time with Z while I can.

It’s hard to not feel guilty as I vacillate between the two. On a teeter totter emotionally and mentally (more than what I can just blame on hormones).  Because I am not all here and not all in the future; which makes me feel like I am not fully either.

I am trying to stay present and enjoy each day and moment with Z and my family of three. This is one thing that the current social distancing has made easier. While I also am predicting, wishing and making plans for our new member and becoming a family of four.

It’s a difficult tension. Yet I know it is temporary and will soon pass. I know this because there are so many great mom’s who have gone before me who have shared similar experiences. It is in this I find reassurance.

How do you stay present with big changes looming? How do you plan for what is ahead but stay grounded in today?